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Because everyone is different, conflict is inevitable. And the thought of conflict creates uncomfortable feelings. Of course, we want everyone to get along and to always agree. It would make our lives so much easier.
Or would it?
Organizations are in need of a conflict paradigm shift. When people understand how to effectively resolve conflict, there are definite benefits for managers and employees:
- producing positive change
- developing a unified purpose
- promoting mutual and creative problem-solving
- building stronger relationships.
One of my client's, a CEO of a large organization, asked me to discover why his management team never came up with solutions to company problems. During a meeting I attended, one of the managers proposed an idea that impacted another manager's department. The CEO, however, made it clear he was uncomfortable discussing the issue and quickly moved to the next topic. After several meetings, no one wanted to contribute to the agenda because they were frustrated with the CEO's conflict avoidance. Obviously, any team approach was defeated. The CEO's leadership style actually created more conflict among the managers.
In time, the CEO realized how his conflict avoidance negatively impacted the organization. After learning new ways to create a collaborative environment, he was able to change his management style and promote mutual and creative problem solving.
5 Ways to Handle Conflict
Let's look at how different people react to conflict. There are five styles of handling conflict:
- Competing
- Avoiding
- Accommodating
- Compromising
- Collaborating.
The following definitions will help you understand the diagram:
Assertiveness is the extent that a person satisfies his or her own concerns.
Cooperativeness is the extent to which someone satisfies the concerns of others.
Competing is very assertive and uncooperative. Someone who selects this style uses power to aggressively defend his or her own solution even if it may be the wrong solution.
Avoiding is unassertive and uncooperative. This style does not pursue the interest of others or self, and rather postpones, sidesteps or withdraws from the conflict.
Accommodating is unassertive but very cooperative. Someone will neglect his or her own needs to satisfy others.
Compromising is between assertiveness and cooperativeness. It appears that this style would be beneficial, but it may only partially satisfy each person's issues and may prevent both parties from winning. As a result, the concerns may resurface.
Collaborating is the win-win approach. It is both assertive and cooperative. Both parties work together to reach a solution that satisfies all concerns. Instead of negotiating from a position standpoint, "What do you want?" the parties discuss the issue from an interest standpoint, "Why do you want it?"
This simple example illustrates the difference between compromise and collaboration: Two people want to share an orange. To compromise, they would cut it down the middle, each getting half the orange. If they collaborate, they would ask each other, "Why do you want the orange?" One might say, "I like the nutritional value and the taste of the orange." The other might say, "I enjoy cooking with the orange rind." So how would they split the orange so they both win?
Collaborating means that each party gets what he or she wants. It is accomplished in a non-threatening environment with open, non-defensive communication. It is a win-win style.
Negotiating Successfully
Now let's look at a six-step approach to win-win negotiations or collaboration.
1. Create a comfortable environment. Select a non-threatening setting and create a comfortable lead-in statement: "I can see that we're approaching this situation differently. Why don't we agree to talk until we can find a mutual solution? Let me listen to you first and when I can explain your point of view, I'd like to communicate my interests. Would you be willing to do that?"
2. Establish common interests. One person may assume that the other shares the same interest. A good question would be: "So that we both understand why this issue is important to us, let's agree on the most important interest we both have." For example, there could be conflict over a new office procedure that was designed to improve patient services. The common interest would be to provide quality patient services. Establishing the common interest first will also help as they discuss differences and their emotions peak. When this happens, keep coming back to the common interest.
3. Find out differing interests and concerns. Using open-ended questions, find out why the other party has an interest or concern with the issue. Say, "Help me understand why you have concerns," or "Please tell my why you have this interest." Only after the why's have been explored can the parties develop options.
4. Develop options. Brainstorm solutions that could satisfy the common interest. List the ideas. Don't judge and scrutinize each idea.
5. Pick the best option(s) and implement solutions. During this step, discuss the feasibility of each solution to implement. Then put together an action plan to implement the solutions.
6. Follow up and check progress. Reconvene to review the progress and celebrate success. This step is important to build the working relationship.
Applying the Skills
Here's how these steps would work in a real-life situation: A manager is concerned that one of her key nurses, Tim, is not satisfied with his job. In fact, she is sure that he wants more money. But her budget is so tight that she cannot offer more money. Tim becomes more frustrated. The manager decides to meet with him in her office. She nervously stands behind the desk and tells Tim she doesn't have any more money in the budget to give him an increase. He is quiet and leaves her office. She knows he is going to look for another job.
What happened here? A valuable employee is going to leave the organization. Was a common interest explored? Why was the employee frustrated? What did the employee really want or need? What assumptions did the manager make?
Let's try it again:
The manager asks to meet with the employee. They schedule a time and sit at the round table in her office. She starts by saying, "Tim, I have noticed that you may have some concerns about your job and/or the company. And if you have concerns I also share your concerns because you are very important and valuable to the department. Please help me understand your concerns." (Non-threatening environment is created and common interest is outlined-steps 1 and 2.)
He replies, "Well, I really like my job. That's not it." She pauses and waits for him to talk. He continues, "However I feel that you don't notice what kind of work I do." She says, "Why do you feel this way?" (Why's are being explored-step 3.) He answers, "Because you never give me any positive feedback. And you have never talked to me about the job you have posted. I feel that I am qualified for the job."
She had no idea he was interested in the job and that he didn't feel valued. He really didn't want more money, just more recognition and positive acknowledgement for his work. The manager says, "I can see why you might feel the way you do. And as you know, I have been trying to fill the position for two months now and no one internally bid on the position. Can we talk about ways we can both achieve what we need?" (The discussion continues of the what's and solutions-steps 4 and 5.)
Manager then asks employee, "What types of recognition work for you?" After they discuss this issue then the manager asks, "How could we ensure that your current job is being accomplished while you are training for the new job?" They continue to explore options and create an action plan. After a few weeks they review their progress and celebrate their success with lunch (step 6).
Practice Makes Perfect
Smoothing the rough edges of conflict continually takes practice. Review the process of open communication, the different modes of handling conflict and collaboration with others to reach win-win solutions.
Sue Romero is a human resources consultant specializing in employee relations issues, manager coaching and management training. She has over 20 years experience coaching managers on enhancing their effectiveness. Visit her website at www.romeroconsulting.com.
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